Author: Jillian McGriff

Today’s Readings: Numbers 9; Psalm 45; Song of Solomon 7; Hebrews 7

I’m writing tonight from our car. We are on a very long journey with our three children in the back of the van on our way home from Omaha, NE. We went to Omaha to baptize our youngest. Our surprise baby knitted within me by His hand and revealed to us like a flash of heat lightning on a summer evening. For our family, a baptism is a ritual that is sacred. One that represents our commitment to our faith in Jesus Christ and our intention to plant the seeds of a life with Him in our children. The church we return to in Omaha is a home for my husband and I. Although my faith tradition is evolving and changing in a way that puts Jesus at the center, I find that this particular ritual is deeply rooted within me. I wish that I could say that I have my faith journey all figured out. I envy those that are unshakable in their knowledge of scripture and convictions on all things biblical. Instead, I’m the middle school phase of my spiritual growth. I’ve got zits, a bad haircut and I’m just trying to sort out who I am and where I fit in.

Today’s first reading is from Numbers 9. I wish I had wireless in the car so I could look up why they call this book Numbers. Anyway, chapter 9 offers a beautiful description of the Lord commanding Moses and the Israelites to keep Passover. The instructions are as usual in the Old Testament, very prescriptive:

“In the second month on the fourteenth day at twilight they shall keep it. They shall eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. They shall leave not of it until the morning, nor break any of its bones; according to all the statute for the Passover they shall keep it. “ (Numbers 9:11)

It goes on to say that the man that is not traveling and is considered clean or as I would say “eligible” for Passover, if that man does not keep Passover he shall be cut off from the rest of the group. So, what I hear in this passage is God telling us, “hey guys, you need to take time out of your big old busy job, social media, soccer practice, PTA meeting lives to honor me.” I hear and feel the Holy Spirit in my life inviting me to stop and raise my eyes to be in His presence. The next part of Numbers 9 is probably my favorite. We see the Israelites build a tabernacle and then a cloud covers that tent of the testimony. By day the cloud is there and by night it is replaced with fire. When the cloud lifted the people of Israel knew to set out and when it stopped they made camp again beneath it. They went on like that, allowing the Holy Spirit to be their guide. The most beautiful part of the chapter comes at the end:

“Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out. At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out. They kept the charge of the Lord, at the command of the Lord by Moses.” (Numbers 9:22-23)

 For the people of Israel, it was enough to just follow the cloud and remain in their tent under the flame. If I look for my clouds and fire will I find them? When I stepped into Sacred Heart church this morning I was safely under the cloud. I laid a foundation there ten years ago and now my house stands tall. I planted a seed of obedience and commitment to Jesus there, in that place. Today, my fellow Israelites welcomed me back into their Omaha tent. They celebrated the wonder of this beautiful new life with us. All along I’ve been struggling to reconcile my transition from the Catholic tent to a more Christ centered Christian tent. I’ve spent a few years trying to clear up my spiritual acne and get a better biblical look. I anticipated a real feeling of dichotomy, a feeling of separation and the discomfort of being non-commital. What I experienced was grace. The power of the Holy Spirit is here and surprisingly it was also there. I’ve spent so much time worrying about my role in my spiritual maturation but Moses gave me a little nudge today. I got to celebrate a Passover, a ritual, a sign of obedience to our Heavenly Father. It wasn’t a drudgery. I didn’t check my watch to see when it would be over. It sounds like the Israelites didn’t either. They “abide-ed”, they were content to rest in the promise of guidance and protection. Are we too busy to abide? Can I trust the Lord enough to guide me on his time with the rest of my Israelites? Lord, give us patient hearts and minds this week. Help us to hear and see you this week.

 

 

 

Today’s Readings: Numbers 2, Psalm 36, Ecclesiastes 12 and Philemon 1

I love writing for Monday’s! I feel like it’s a fresh start for you and me. It’s an opportunity to start the week with a positive intention. Speaking of intentions, I was going to write on Ecclesiastes again since there were some great threads in today’s reading but then something grabbed me. Buckle up, this is one of those days Jesus fans, I’m on fire!!! When I first read Philemon 1 for today I was honestly a little disappointed. The text immediately came back to me. Mike Baker preached on this whole chapter not too long ago at Eastview. I was thinking, surely there isn’t anything that I, as a new Christian can add to the amazing message Mike has already delivered. So, I was just flippin’ pages thinking about Ecclesiastes and futility again when I came upon a commentary by Kevin L. Smith. Kevin wrote a short work for the HCSB about the Bible and Civil Rights. In a few paragraphs as an introduction to Philemon he explains how themes from the bible, including Onesimus’ story was a foundation for the spirit and energy of the Civil Rights Movement in the early 1960’s. He goes on to describe how Martin Luther King used key verses to illustrate the issue of equality among humans. Smith goes on to cite several instances in the Bible where Jesus calls his people to love their enemies and pray for those that persecute them (Matthew 5:44).

And now…I am thinking! Thinking about how Paul’s message to Philemon is alive today. I’m thinking about our recent history and #blacklivesmatter. As you may or may not know our family is the of twist cone variety. My husband is black, I’m lily white and our “natives” as I call them are chocolate vanilla twist. Suddenly this isn’t just a story, it’s alive. The book of Philemon is described as Paul’s only letter we have that is of a “private nature.” It’s a deeply personal message he writes to Philemon about his slave named Onesimus. Philemon was a rich business guy that Paul converted through his ministry in Colossae. Philemon appears to be a pretty decent guy. The church meets at his big house and it seems that Paul has a lot of love and respect for him. Philemon has a slave, Onesimus that has run away after a conflict of some sort. Philemon is Onesimus’ legal owner. Paul writes to him from Rome where he is under house arrest, awaiting his trial. In the letter he asks Philemon to welcome Onesimus back into his home, not as a slave but at as brother. He says,

“I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for awhile, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave, as a beloved brother…” (Philemon 1:12-16)

 Has God ever set up this situation in your life…the one where you are so sure you are right about another human being. The situation in which you are convinced that you know more than they do, that your role is to teach them, that they depend on you…and then one day the veil is lifted and it is just the opposite. Did you catch those words that Paul used:

“…I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but by your own accord”

Hello. Read it again. Do you see how Paul is gently subverting the cultural implications of slavery in the year 60 AD? He’s essentially asking Philemon to consider Onesimus his spiritual brother and partner in faith, which makes their owner/slave relationship no longer possible. But he’s doing it by inviting Philemon to look beyond cultural norms and asking him to consider Onesimus as his brother in Christ. Stop there. That is powerful! Paul is saying that Onesimus has far more value than just a slave. He tells Philemon that Onesimus would be an effective substitute or stand in for Paul himself while he is imprisoned. He says,

“So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account.” (Philemon 1:17)

 So, I have to ask myself, who is my slave? What an ugly question, right? From the outside looking in it probably looks like I’m the Paul in this life. But I’m not. We’re not. Today’s Bible Gateway commentary closes with this, “Our decisions about social conventions bear witness to our convictions about God.” We are living in a real season of differences. Our political climate is engineered to divide us. We build relationships with people that are like us and push others aside. What if I got a letter from Paul today? What would it say? How would he invite me to be a sister in Christ? My husband and I have talked a lot about the Black Lives Matter campaign. We’ve talked about how we can raise Christian children that bear witness to our family conviction that all lives matter. I believe that Martin Luther King and others that led the Civil Rights Movement had something in common with Paul. They recognized that all humans are created in the image of God. That obedience is reserved for our Heavenly Father, not those we’ve enslaved for our own benefit. Paul closes with this:

“Yes brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say.”

 

 

 

Today’s Readings: Leviticus 7, Psalms 7-8, Proverbs 22, 1 Thessalonians 1

Once again, as I prepared for today’s bible reflection I was determined to write something about Leviticus. Just as when we were reading Exodus, I’m sort of yearning to connect those ancient stories with my everyday life. So, as I slogged through Leviticus 7 and read some commentary from my study bible I was pretty sure that I could apply that lesson of discipline, sacrifice and commitment to the Lord. Then on my way to 1 Thessalonians, I was literally taken down by Proverbs 22. I’ve had a “flat tire” outside 22 Proverbs Street all week! When you look at today’s scriptures collectively, they intersect in one important place; they tell us how we ought to live. Leviticus 7 teaches us about obedience and sacrifice, Psalms 7 and 8 engage us in taking refuge in the Lord and praising Him for his faithfulness, but then we arrive at Proverbs 22. Proverbs 22 give us as Christians direct instructions for how to live.

Proverbs was written by Solomon, David’s son. The original audience is the Israelites but today it’s you and me. Proverbs covers a wide range of topics including: youth and discipline, family life, self control and resisting temptation, knowing God, how to run your business, wealth and poverty, immorality and wisdom. I got that short list from the NIV study bible, I didn’t make it up! When you read through that list are you as excited as I am about reading Proverbs? One of the many gifts of writing for Bible Journal is discovering the absolute power and (forgive my dramatics) majesty of this book. How often have I sat alone wondering what to do in a certain situation when the answers are right here for us in Proverbs.

Yesterday I was driving my 5-year-old son Oliver to a birthday party. Good old Siri took Ollie and I to his friend Eli’s house in a way we hadn’t been before. She told us to take a left onto Country Club Drive. The speed limit dropped to 15 miles per hour as I inched our small car over big speed humps. Despite living here for years, this was a road we’d never been down before. We stared in wonder at enormous mansions. Both of us were awe struck with this very physical manifestation of wealth and power. I must admit I took an immediate mental detour to a review of our personal finances. I compared our worth to the size and shape of our meager rental home, and then I heard from the back seat, “Mommy, let’s buy one of these houses.”

HELLO…it’s me…Proverbs 22.

 

“Rich and poor have this in common: The Lord is the Maker of them all” Proverbs 22:2.

 There I was caught up in lust and greed and a big dose of false idols. I took a breath and said a quick prayer. Lord, help me…help me to raise this child in a world that values plastic toys and screens and the money that buys them. Lord, help me to see the security we have in you and show that to my 5 year old son.

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

 And so I said to him, “Wouldn’t it be fun to live in one of those houses? If we did we would have so much space, we’d have to invite our friends to live there with us! Having a big house isn’t the happy part, it’s sharing it with the people you love.” It was quiet in the backseat for a long minute and then,

“Mommy, maybe someday when we buy our own house and we paint the rooms the colors we want and we get a dog, maybe then we can get a balcony.”

“A balcony buddy, why, what would you do on a balcony?”

“You know, a balcony in our back yard with a grill for hot dogs so you can see us on the playground.”

My son wants a deck. A deck so that he can invite other children to his house for hot dogs and play on a swing set. You see, when we moved to Normal we were only planning to stay for 2 years. We weren’t planning for 3 kids with medical issues. We rented a house much bigger than we thought we needed in 2010 so that we could invite people over, so that people could stay and be here with us. We’re familial people. The front door might as well be one of those circular revolving doors they have at the mall. Our meager and very beige rental home is often messy, cluttered and definitely far from the beautifully appointed crown moulding I had planned for us. Instead, we are blessed beyond measure. We have enough to share. We have received a level of generosity we never could have imagined. We have been blessed by checks from friends and strangers when the medical bills have been too much to bear. We have literally received meals at our door when there wasn’t much money left for groceries.  All provided by Him.

At the end of our readings today, Paul and Timothy (and a guy named Silvanus that I don’t quite know) write to the Thessalonians:

“We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 2-3

 When you get up today to go to work or labor in love raising your precious children, hold steadfast to that hope. That hope is very real, it’s as tangible as a country club house. When you look out your car window, remind yourself that it is not the thing you long for but the person within. Whether rich or poor, we were all made by Him. “The generous themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor.” (Proverbs 22:9). Share your gifts, they come from God and he wants us to be in fellowship with one another. As I sit in my beige office, the sun is rising, my children are awake and calling for morning hugs diaper changes. I am rich in His love in my own little country house.

 

Today’s Readings: Exodus 39, John 18, Proverbs 15, Philippians 2

As our family Easter celebration draws to a close tonight, I’m slowing my pace to enjoy the last moments of today reflecting on the miracle of Christ’s resurrection. For those reading it’s Easter Monday or what I’d like to call…a new year in Christ. As the trees begin to bud and our tulips are poking their colorful heads from the earth, the feeling of a fresh start is truly in the air. Today’s readings in John are particularly heavy. We are chronologically celebrating Easter but the readings take us back to Jesus’ betrayal and to the painful details of his impending crucifixion. John’s description of Jesus’ fearless testimony is so tangible.

“So Judas, having procured a band of soldiers and some officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees, went there with lanterns and torches and weapons. Then Jesus, knowing all that would happen to him, came forward and said to them, “Whom do you seek?” They answered him, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus said to them, “I am he.” Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them. When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they drew back and fell to the ground. So he asked them again, “Whom do you seek?” And they said, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus answered, “I told you that I am he.” John 18:3-8

Jesus knew in that moment that he would be left to stand alone. As broken people, few of us would have the courage to enter that room and say, “whom do you seek” and then follow that with “I am he.” It is me. Do I have the strength and commitment to my faith to stand alone when it is required of me? My personal answer is: not always! I’m always looking to shift the blame for my short comings. Today though, I have a chance for a “new year.” Not a January 1^st diet and exercise, clean out the garage kind of new year but a new year in Christ. Today, Easter Monday the very first day of Christ’s victory means a new day, a whole new year actually to do better.

In John Chapter 18 Jesus says:

“…of those whom you gave me, I have lost not one” John 18:9

He is referring to a promise he made to his father God in John Chapter 17 verse 12. He is praying for his disciples. Although he was eventually betrayed by Judas, Jesus was asking in prayer that his disciples be united in love as the trinity is united in what he calls, “the strongest of all unions” (NIV study bible, Zondervan) As Christ’s followers, we are considered one of His. Whether we betray him, speak out against him or fail to honor his teachings in our daily life, he is there ready to forgive. Not one of us that chooses to put Him first will be left behind. What a relief! Now that the ham and potatoes have been put away, the candy wrappers and Easter grass vacuumed up, what’s left of this Easter celebration for us. What is your new year in Christ resolution? We have been given to him through baptism and our commitment. Now, I must be the keeper of my own salvation. Paul leaves us with this in Philippians 2:

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed so now, not only as in my presence by much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Philipians 2:12-13

Peace to you.

Happy New Year in Christ.

 

 

Today’s Readings: Exodus 25, John 4, Proverbs 1, 2 Corinthians 13

It’s Monday. As much as I wanted to bring it in a real Ark of the Covenant, Exodus changes your life two cubits at a time kind of way. I can’t. I can’t because today is woman at the well day! I am literally on fire for the woman at the well and I want you to be blazing too! Let’s just get to the best part:

“A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink” For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

John 4:7-10

I grew up hearing this story from one of the greatest storytellers I know. Fr. Michael Kennedy was the pastor at my childhood Catholic church and elementary school. As a child I listened to his stories at Friday morning school mass and eventually studied with him in preparation for my first communion and confirmation. Father Michael has a special commitment to children and prisoners. In his book, the forwarding author states that Fr. Michael believes that our Father God lends a special ear to children and prisoners, as his Son was both. He spent his life sharing the good news of Jesus Christ through storytelling and song. One of his most convicting works is his re-telling of the woman at the well.

It starts at the well in Sychar, where Jesus sits to rest his feet in a bit of shade. The woman from Samaria comes to draw water and Jesus asks her for a drink. Immediately she asks how he a Jew could ask she a Samarian for a drink. Bible Gateway’s commentary for today’s reading discusses the history behind the tension between Jews and Samaritans. At this time the hatred between the two groups had grown so fierce, there was no opportunity for positive interaction between them.

Stop right there.

Did you hear it?

The hatred between these two groups had become so contentious and volatile that folks couldn’t be at the well together. Did you really hear that? We are living in a Jews versus Samaritans world.  The  democrats and republicans can’t come to the same well! Like the woman at the well, we invest in conversation about our differences rather than spending our energy on our eternity. The gospel is absolutely alive in our lives today and we are just dipping water from our own “wells” drinking it over murmurs of hostility and antagonism. Again and again Jesus sets an example for us, teaching us how we are to live as Christians. He reaches across the aisle here and offers this woman a drink of eternal salvation. He offers her living water. And still here, she has no idea who she’s dealing with. She asks him, “…where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock” (John 4:11-13). She is standing with Jesus, cup in hand, chatting him up about water quality when really, the man standing before her is not the enemy she perceives him to be. It is not until he proves himself to her by showing how much he knows about her, that she believes.

Do we need proof to believe what cannot be seen? If I were standing at the water cooler with Jesus would I recognize him? One of my favorite descriptions of faith is just that: believing in what cannot be seen. Can I go to the well in search of living water and trust that He has it for me? Is it possible for me to see God in the Samaritan at work or in the store and share living water with him?

As a young adult, the lesson I drew from this scripture was about seeking God first. It was about finding a path in my life that ran alongside that living water. A path to healing the sick, ministering to children and having a family that mirrors Him. Today, as I re-read the story of the woman at the well, it resonates in a whole different way. The woman says, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with and the well is deep.” The well is deep. Doesn’t it feel deep? Doesn’t it feel some days like the living water we need is unreachable? Then Jesus says to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again.” Yes. I am constantly thirsty again! I am always coming to the same well thirsty. I’m thirsty for more money, I’m thirsty for the next iPhone, I’m thirsty for a better job, I’m thirsty for the next best workout, I’m thirsty for more dark chocolate crunch pretzel crisps… Then Jesus seals the deal, he says, “but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:11-14) If you can’t feel him reaching through the page of your bible or the screen right now, close your eyes and feel harder!!! He’s here with us, this message for the woman at the well isn’t just for her. It’s a very real promise he makes to all of us.

Father Michael Kennedy passed away on January 23, 2010. An Irishman through and through he loved St. Patrick’s Day, and in fact he’d completed 14 years of service as pastor at St. Patrick’s Church when he died. I own a cassette recording of him telling the story of the woman at the well and still enjoy listening to it from time to time. He and I share a birthday this week. He would have been 75 and I will be 35. He began all of his stories with the following:

I wasn’t there but others were and they told others who told others,Who told still others, and down down the centuries and finally someone told me. Today I tell you. You may want to tell others…

 Please share the message of the woman at the well with someone today. It is through you that Jesus can give living water.

You can see a photo of Fr. Michael Kennedy and read about his book here:

Fr. Michael Kennedy

Exodus 18, Luke 21, Job 36, 2 Corinthians 6

What’s different for me than the other Bible Journal authors (and readers, I suspect) is that I am reading most of these scriptures for the very FIRST time. Maybe this will be my last week of journaling now that my secret is out! My process for reading and responding really begins with developing an understanding of the historical context of the scripture and then reading a few commentaries to deepen my knowledge of the surrounding text.  I spend a lot of time thinking about the people in the daily readings and try to relate to each of them. Although today’s New Testament readings are rich with symbolism and connection to our modern life, I can’t get seem to let go of the story of Jethro and Moses in Exodus 18. This is the first time I’ve read this story despite three decades of Catholic education! I’m so excited to share the big message I found in a short exchange. So, in Exodus 18, Jethro, Moses’ father in law comes to visit him where “he was encamped at the mountain of God” (Exodus 18:5). They go into that tent we heard about yesterday and Jethro counsels Moses. At this time Moses has been patiently settling disputes among the people of Israel from sunrise to sunset according to God’s Law. Jethro says to Moses:

“…Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening? And Moses said to his father in law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statues of God and his laws” Moses’ father in law said to him” What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone”” Exodus 18:14-18

 Some commentaries compare Moses at this time after leading the Israelites out of Egypt as a “type of Christ” or the way I like to think of it, a “preview” of Christ. Not to say that he is in any way an embodiment of Christ, but instead that he acts as a law giver or judge among them. The scripture describes him as doing this duty in a tireless manor with great care and kindness to his people. The people come to him all day, every day, seeking advice and asking him to settle their disputes. Then Jethro arrives and throws him off his game a little bit. He reminds Moses that indeed he cannot do it alone. The task of leading all of the Israelites under God’s law is too much for one man.   Of course, Moses doesn’t throw a tantrum when his father in law speaks truth to him (like I would!) Instead he considers the advice, sees his error and makes a change. Essentially he relinquishes his role as top educator and dispute settler and delegates to a team of men as honorable as he is. How often do I want to do it all? How often do I consider myself an authority on a given topic and give tireless advice to anyone that will listen? God is sending us a direct message here that His word and law is meant to be shared among all of his people and ultimately judged by Him.

How often do we as Christians make judgments of others without first judging ourselves? Bible Gateway commentary for today’s scripture states, “Great men should not only study to be useful themselves, but contrive to make others useful.” Am I seeking each day to strengthen my vertical relationship with God before counseling and making judgments in my horizontal or earthly relationships? In other words, am I in conversation with God first before correcting my spouse, friend or co-worker? The commentary goes on to say, “Those are not wise, who think themselves too wise to be counseled.” Moses had God’s law on his lips but he wasn’t too wise to look within and be counseled on how to best share it.

Later in today’s readings Luke tells us about Jesus foretelling wars and persecution. In Luke 21:13, Jesus says:

“This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict.” Luke 21:13-15

 Heavenly Father,

Help us not to meditate on our words and set our answers before you speak truth into our minds and hearts. Help us to be patient with our modern “Israelites” as you have been so patient with us. Lord, we know the weight of your law is too heavy for any one man or woman. Help us to strengthen our relationship with you and avoid temptation to hand out injustice. Instead, tune our ears to the sound of your voice through others’ and help us to remember that we are never too wise to be counseled. Speak to us Lord through your word and through your people.

Today’s reading is the same as yesterday due to the leap year: Exodus 11–12:21; Luke 14; Job 29; 1 Corinthians 15

As today is leap day I’ve been invited to “freestyle” in my scripture reflection for Bible Journal. Last week there were so many rich reflections on Passover and the surrounding scripture in Exodus. I’m tempted to write more about the ancient tradition of Passover and it’s representation now in our modern lives. In Exodus 12 the Lord commands Moses and Aaron that the Israelites must slaughter one lamb per household. This lamb must be without blemish, male and be one year old. As I considered this sacrifice and the cost to each Israelite family, I challenged myself to ask: what is our modern lamb? What is it that God is asking of us as individuals? What is he asking our modern households to contribute, in order to be counted among His chosen ones?

As I read and re-read the scripture readings for yesterday my heart has continually come back to the idea of discipleship. In Luke 14 beginning in verse 25 Jesus talks about the cost of discipleship:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” Luke 14: 26-28

 Ultimately, wasn’t God asking the Israelites to cast off the securities of their world; their best lamb in exchange for discipleship with Him? And they, living by the very definition of faith (what cannot be seen or heard) made this corporeal sacrifice without hesitation. Are WE able to do this? Are we as Christians making daily decisions that lead us to discipleship? I often find myself living in dichotomy, my Sunday morning convictions fading into Tuesday and Wednesday’s trials. I am quick to look to my husband, my parents, my friends and my colleagues for discipleship. I imagine that what Jesus is asking of us is to discipline ourselves in discipleship with him. In verse 27 he speaks of “bearing his own cross” which isn’t really related to carrying our own burdens but actually a reference to the Romans forcing a convicted criminal to carry his own cross to his execution. Jesus wanted his followers to understand that committing to a life with him and in him means total submission.

As people we want to feel connected, we fear isolation and loneliness. We stumble through daily life searching for that lasting connection. I find myself looking for it in my marriage relationship, my family relationships and with friends. I also, if I’m being honest, seek it in relationships with things like food, electronics and trendy clothes. Jesus is speaking to us through Luke’s words, reminding us that when we seek oneness with Him then we will finally experience what it means to be beloved.

I’m currently reading a wonderful book by a Catholic priest entitled, “Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World” by Henri Nouwen. In the first chapter he defines the meaning of being beloved.

“Aren’t you, like me, hoping that some person, thing or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well being you desire? Don’t you often hope: “May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.” But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death. Well, you and I don’t have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, spouses, teachers, children and friends loved or wounded us. That is the truth of our lives and the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That’s the truth spoken by the voice that says, “You are my Beloved” ~Henri J.M. Nouwen

 We hear this word so many times in different contexts but to me it is spoken most directly to us in Romans 9

“…even us whom he has called, not only from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? As indeed he says in Hosea: “Those who were not my people, I will call ‘my people’ and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved’” Romans 9:24-25

 WE are his people. He is inviting us to bring our modern lambs to slaughter. He asks us to search ourselves and then discipline ourselves into discipleship with Him. Not in the spirit of penance and punishment but in the seeking of that ultimate joy and relief of being His Beloved. As we live these “Passover days” I like to imagine our heavenly Father sweeping his gaze over our roofs, looking for signs of obedience and genuine desire to be in communion with Him. I imagine what that looks like to Him in terms of surrender of my worldly security for His everlasting love. As we wait patiently for the resurrection, it’s maybe not the cold, dark and grey days suggesting deprivation we are meant to soak in. Perhaps, it’s an invitation to seek an inner attentiveness to His voice.

“Fear not, I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1