Author: Holly-Rae Van Hoof

In the 38^th chapter of Psalms, the depth of this belief in confession is on display:

There is no health in my bones
    because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
    like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

My wounds stink and fester
    because of my foolishness.

He continues by sharing how he is impacted by his sin:

I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
    all the day I go about mourning.
For my sides are filled with burning,
    and there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am feeble and crushed;
    I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

We don’t know where exactly in David’s lifetime this Psalm should be placed, but we know David was a man after God’s own heart, who also struggled with sin. If you’ve been following along with the life of David, you know there were many ups and downs – and this confession of his sin could be at multiple points in his life. Just as in any believer’s life.

The cornerstone of Christianity is the saving blood of Jesus Christ. Without it, there is no salvation, no eternity with God. There isn’t a way to earn this gift – but it does have to be accepted. We have to believe and accept this, through a confession of our faith. Part of our confession of faith is the need for this salvation, because of our sin.

Our “coming to Jesus” experiences all look a little different – from alter calls to accepting Jesus into your heart, from a church camp declaration to a deathbed profession. One thread across all of our personal experiences of coming to Christ, is this need of a savior and a turning away from sin. And that’s exactly what confession is – declaring what in our life is against God’s ways, and asking him for forgiveness and help.

Like David, I believe the practice of confession is a holy habit for Christ followers to continue – throughout our lives, not just once at the start of our faith journey.

Sure, the Lord already knows it – all of it. But do you recognize the benefit of saying it out loud to him, recognizing the wrong and why it was wrong, and seeking forgiveness? It takes the power out of the sin and brings it to light. Confession is both humbling and freeing. He promises to forgive us – and loves us through all of it!

If you’re a little rusty on the practice of confessing your sin, here are a few things to guide you in your prayer time:

• Get specific. More than the midwest ope or ‘scuse me, be straightforward about your sin and call it by name when you’re talking with God.
• Recognize why this is against God’s design for us and the impact the sin has.
• Actually ask for forgiveness. “God, will you forgive me for xyz”. Thank him and believe in his forgiveness!
• A truly repentant heart is one that is resolved to change and not continue in that sin. Ask God to help you and guide you to ways of true change. Is there any restitution or restoration that needs to occur with others, because of your sin?

Here are some additional scriptures on confession and forgiveness that encouraged me this week:

If we claim to have fellowship with God and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:6-9

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah. Psalm 32:1-5

The critical question for our generation—and for every generation— is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ were not there?  John Piper

I first asked myself this question about twelve years ago, when Francis Chan quoted Piper in his book, Crazy Love. Our small group was going through Crazy Love, week by week, being stretched and challenged in new ways. Having the hard conversations with ourselves and with each other.

This one hurt.

This one pointed out some ugly in me.

I wanted the security. The happiest fam reunions. The comfort. The peace of heaven. The stress-free living. The forever home without crime or sin. The place where everyone always got along. I wanted the forever-ness of salvation that I was still trying to earn at times on earth. I wanted the tear free, cancer free, poverty free life. I want to rest without playing the what-if game with endless scenarios and anxiety. An existence free from the wiles of satan. I wanted kids to be kids without illness or kidnappings. And let’s be honest, I even wanted all the endless snacks without kitchen clean up on the daily. And Jesus was a part of all of these things.

But when I stopped and processed heaven – and really dug deep, I cared so much about all of those aspects of heaven, and not enough of Jesus, THE CENTER of it all. He was in all of it – but as part of it. Not IT.

The depth of my relationship with Christ hadn’t reached the point, where together with him was the ultimate. Having him, and only him, wasn’t in  the forefront of my mind when thinking of eternity.

It was humbling (sad, really) to realize the self-focused nature that I somehow built heaven to be in my mind.

So then what? I mean, shoot, am I even a Christian then??

You know what’s cool about God? He knows. He knows and yet he loves. And guides. And sanctifies – which is just a religious sounding word to describe the process of becoming holy through faith in Jesus.

If you ask, seek, and knock, he will answer.

I prayed and asked for Jesus to be at the center of my heaven. For my relationship with Jesus to grow so deep that nothing else in heaven mattered but him. I prayed that my heart would long for him, not just the security he brings.

It wasn’t an immediate and overnight change, but a transformation in my heart took place over time. He is so faithful to answer our cries.  The depth of my love for Jesus has grown, and my longing for a forever home with him at the center has been solidified in my heart. Definitely stronger than it was, and I’m confident it will continue to grow. He promises to continue the work in us that he has started.

Our reading today is Psalm 26. David shares the depth of his love for the Lord and longing for heaven with him is evident:

Lord, I love the house where you live,
    the place where your glory dwells.
Do not take away my soul along with sinners,
    my life with those who are bloodthirsty

I believe, like David, the place where the Lord dwells is lovely, and exactly where I want my soul to be. With him, forever.

Cover photo: painting by Kerolos Safwat, First Day in Heaven

Have you spent more time outdoors in the past year? Camping, hiking, and fishing have exploded as people are looking for available activities. Our own family has spent more quality time in nature exploring and learning. I find myself lost in bird watching, monologuing baby racoons, and identifying animal tracks – like never before.

This summer the nature adventures may have gone next-level when “animals eating human meals” became a focal point (I blame a book I read called a Day in the Life of Squirrels). In a nutshell, think “feeding swans spaghetti”, and planning a taco Tuesday for the opossum.

It’s been such a fun family activity and we have all enjoyed these silly little goals and sightings in nature (the kids especially).

It will come to no surprise that on a challenging day in the current world, my daughter and I were in town and came upon a grey squirrel. He carefully dragged a sweet potato fry out of a carry out container in a garbage can. We followed Grey Squirrel a couple of blocks and watched him make his way to a safe place up in a tree to indulge in his trophy. Walking hand in hand back to the car (after spending way too much time watching Grey Squirrel savor his sweet potato fry), my heart was full. In that moment it felt like God gave us Grey Squirrel as a little nod. He put a distraction in our path and a smile on our face. We couldn’t have planned or planted this ‘animal food goal’ better if we tried! It was something so small but it sure blessed us that day.

I admit that all of this sounds so incredibly goofy (borderline crazy?) but for us, nature and animals have been a source of peace. Getting outside has brought us harmony and a symbol of escape from worldly challenges.

As I began preparing for this week’s passage of the foreshadowing of the Messiah, of course verses 6-9 stood out. It’s a perfect picture of the harmony between the relationships of living things, both humans and animals. Right now, the swans mostly hiss at the idea of a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti moment. But this passage gives me hope that one day, harmony will be restored, as it was originally designed in the garden of Eden. Jesus, in his righteousness, will bring relationships together in a way that only he can. He can heal like no other. He has dominion over all. At his name every knee will bow.

Maybe, just maybe, God wrote this desire on our hearts. He gave us this family activity and space to yearn for harmony. He gave us time to experience his creation, the life he breathed into existence at his very word.

At the same time that he gave us a heart for harmony and unity, he also created us uniquely and each with a different person. Without the perfect wisdom, understanding, might, and fear of the Lord, we can never strike this balance like Jesus can. Until his return, I get to work on relationships here, looking to the Word for examples of love, and patience. Grace and forgiveness. Humility and long suffering.

With our Messiah, he makes a way for us to have perfect harmony in eternity.

What a day that will be! And I’m not talking about animal food goals – but true harmony among all people and all living creatures! The absence of sin and the enemy creating enmity. Perfect. Freeing. Peace.

As we look toward celebrating his birth this month, we can also praise him for the perfect harmony he brings!

Isaiah 11:1-10 The Righteous Reign of the Branch

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse,
and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.
And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him,
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord.
He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide disputes by what his ears hear,
but with righteousness he shall judge the poor,
and decide with equity for the meek of the earth;
and he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth,
and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked.
Righteousness shall be the belt of his waist,
and faithfulness the belt of his loins.

The wolf shall dwell with the lamb,
    and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat,
and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together;
    and a little child shall lead them.
The cow and the bear shall graze;
    their young shall lie down together;
    and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.
The nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra,
    and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den.
They shall not hurt or destroy
    in all my holy mountain;
for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea.

In that day the root of Jesse, who shall stand as a signal for the peoples—of him shall the nations inquire, and his resting place shall be glorious.

The many miracles of Jesus each teach us something different. They have unique elements and people, but with the commonality of the power of Jesus being the source. In John 5, we learn of the man at the pool of Bethesda.  He lived thirty eight years as an invalid and was seeking healing.

In the past few years of my Bible Journal writing, you may have noted that I have a lot of questions and love the details. This passage…WOW…so many questions.  How did he get there. Who told him about the healing pools? Did he ever ask someone to help him get in? Or did he just assume no one would? What was he doing while he was waiting? Why did he stand out to Jesus? How long had he been waiting? What was going through his mind when Jesus said:

Rise, take up your bed, and walk.

It seems as if he had complete faith that the water could heal him if he could just get in. And when Jesus spoke these words to him, there is no indication of hesitation. He got up, took his mat, and walked. He didn’t even stay and chit chat or get Jesus’ name. He walked.

How does this miracle land on you?

Does it give you confidence, that the Lord works in his timing? After thirty-eight years this man is healed. Does it motivate you to keep seeking and striving for healing? Even if you have to wait. Even if you don’t see a way through to the miracle…can you identify with this man who couldn’t see a way to get to the water. Do the pools of Bethesda give you hope – that God’s ways are so much higher than ours? He had a different plan for this man, that didn’t involve getting in the pool. Jesus gave him an action plan with steps and he did it.

Does this miracle challenge you? I’m challenged, and humbled to admit that like this man, I stand before the Lord with a problem, and focus on a singular solution. If he has the power to heal through water contact, couldn’t he also just speak it? I’m also challenged to keep the faith…what am I still praying for – AND BELIEVING – after thirty-eight years? While I still believe God can answer my prayers, do I believe he will?

When I pray for what feels like big requests, do I tack on “your will be done” at the end, out of respect for the wisdom of God? Or do I say that because deep down I’m not sure the prayer will be answered and I don’t want to be disappointed or disappoint others?

While I never doubt the power of God, and I have complete belief that he is still actively performing miracles today, I guess I have to admit that I don’t always believe he will. Not for lack of compassion, but maybe he has a different plan than what I’m praying for. Today’s bible journal has motivated me to dig into the word and explore more on this topic of having a heart of complete belief when praying with requests.

When my Gracie was born, with a surprise diagnosis in the spina bifida family, those first few days, weeks, months, were lots of praying, and lots of sleepless nights. I knew God could heal her. Would he? I knew he could get her through her spinal cord surgery. Would he? When I look back on that time ten years ago, I regret not being “all in” believing he would. I wish I were quicker to dismiss the “what ifs” with her health, and stand firm because I had complete belief that she was going to have a miracle. She was going to make it through. Instead I went through that season waiting for each turn, waiting for the next round of imaging, testing, etc, to get an update.  Do you know someone that has such a faith like that? My grandma Rita has a fully believing, all in, faith in God answering her prayers. It’s a beautiful witness and it’s a beautiful way to live!

You know one of the things I really love about God? He gives us more chances. He gives us more opportunities to exercise our faith. To pray and believe. To ask and be all in and ready to receive. In this life, there isn’t a shortage of opportunities to ask and believe in a miracle. I’m going to keep asking. And when my faith starts to waver, I will pray and ask God to grow my faith and help me approach his throne boldly and with a fully believing heart.

Who, Me?

It’s equally fascinating and encouraging who God uses to complete his will and further his kingdom. Scriptures are filled with countless examples of sinners turned saints, the least of these becoming great in service for the Lord.

The enemy is actively trying to discourage us. He wants us to focus on our past failings or current things we view as limitations. He tries to highlight our shortcomings so we shudder from our calling.

I have to think that so many had their own  Who, Me?  moments.

Esther becoming queen… Who, Me? A jewish woman? Esther 2

Peter after the resurrection… Who, Me?…that denied Jesus three times. John 21

Paul on the road to Damascus… Who, Me?…that persecuted Christians. Acts 9

Where God calls, he equips. Where God guides, he provides. Whatever doubts, fears, or failings may hold us back, we can trust in the Lord to equip us!

God not only calls the imperfect or unlikely… he also calls and uses those he knows will have future struggles. And not to sugarcoat it – by struggles, I mean SIN! What an encouragement! God not only knows our past – but he knows our future! Jesus saved us while we were yet sinners… God calls and equips us to serve in his kingdom, knowing we will continue to mess up! Take heart, friends, perfection isn’t a requirement for God to use you!

Most of us know the story of Noah, one who faithfully walked with the Lord, and he is remembered in the Hebrews lineup of faith heroes.

By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. Hebrews 11:7

Noah was obedient – even when it didn’t make sense to everyone around him. I wonder if he had his own thoughts of Who, Me? or Do What?  But he continued to answer God’s call. And not just for a day… he worked on the “pointless project” as some likely called it – for DECADES! Because of his obedient service, humanity and animals were saved from extinction from the flood.

What you may not know, is after the Flood, after the rainbow, and after God’s covenant with Noah, Noah messed up. Genesis 9 doesn’t outline all the details – did he get too comfortable and it was a slow fade into sin, or was it an impulsive, out of character moment of sin?  Either way, this wasn’t a surprise to God, all knowing and all powerful, he knew all along that Noah was going to fall into sin. When Noah was measuring wood and counting cubits, gathering two of each animal, God knew that years later, Noah would fall into drunkenness and nakedness.

What an encouragement that God calls us, has plans for us, despite our past, and despite what he knows about our future! Noah’s sin impacted generations to come, and bible scholars conclude that Noah repented of his sins, as God later identified Noah as one of three of the most righteous men (Ezekiel 14). I’m so grateful for a forgiving God that provided salvation through Jesus.

As I was preparing to put thoughts on paper this week, I also had swirling thoughts of what Noah thought of himself after he fell into sin. Did he doubt the Lord’s calling in his life? And how Noah was judged after his sin? Did his family and community discredit all of his years of obedience and faithfulness because of his current sin? Did they think God made a mistake in choosing Noah to build the ark? I can’t imagine that…but I also find our current culture (myself included) painting with a broad brush, or casting judgement on Christians that fall into sin – even after repentance. These thoughts are still swirling in my mind and I don’t have it all figured out, but I am so glad that this true story of Noah is included in scriptures – all of it.

Where does this land on you today? Are you being called in a direction that you are unsure you’re able to fulfill? Concerned with how other may perceive you? Have you been asking Who, Me? Are you letting the voice of the enemy distract you with your past? We have the power to remind Satan of his future! And if you have sought forgiveness for your sin, you can trust in God’s promises of cleansing and forgiveness. He knows our hearts.

Let’s boldly move forward, with a focus on what God knows about us, and let go of what others think they know about us.