How are your interpersonal relationships? Are they filled with joy and peace, marked by challenging conflicts and bitterness, or perhaps somewhere in between? Relationships can be both rewarding and demanding, especially when conflicts arise. When facing conflict with another human, we have a few options:
- Stand firm. Continue the conflict and stick to our point of view.
- Let it go. Forgive and forget.
- Change the subject completely. This approach reflects the “flight” response in the classic “fight or flight” scenario.
- Change the conversation. Without abandoning the subject, we shift to a different angle or perspective.
The Cost of Standing Firm
Continuing the conflict and maintaining our point of view puts us at risk of being prideful with the focus on winning – which equates to someone losing, and in this, everyone loses. Do you want to win (be right) or do you want to be loving?
The Beauty of Letting Go
Letting something go can be a beautiful gesture of forgiveness as long as we have truly committed our hearts to saying “it’s not worth it” so that the same conflict doesn’t rear its ugly head over and over.
The Power of Changing the Subject
Changing the subject completely is quite useful when things get too hot to handle. It is like the “eject” button from a fighter jet about to explode. We can’t always just change the subject, and avoidance is not always the best way either, so this must be used with caution.
The Art of Changing the Conversation
Changing the conversation is often the most challenging because it requires tactfulness, humility, and patience. This method is a great step toward a win-win because it helps to bring both parties to the table with an attempt to bring peaceful resolution without belaboring or ignoring the issue.
Lessons From The Book of Job
In Job Chapter 24, Job continues his long dissertation and asks why the wicked aren’t punished. He makes good points and as we read this we can understand his frustration and sorrow.
Next comes Job Chapter 25 where Bildad responds. Did Bildad roll up his sleeves and let Job know where he had misspoke? Did he call him a fool, escalate, or dissect his many points? No. Bildad chooses a different approach – he changes the conversation. He doesn’t directly answer Job’s questions nor does he try to argue or reason with Job. He doesn’t change the subject. He keeps his response simple and gives glory to God.
2 “God is powerful and dreadful.
He enforces peace in the heavens.
3 Who is able to count his heavenly army?
Doesn’t his light shine on all the earth?
4 How can a mortal be innocent before God?
Can anyone born of a woman be pure?
5 God is more glorious than the moon;
he shines brighter than the stars.
6 In comparison, people are maggots;
we mortals are mere worms.” (Job 25:2-6 NLT)
Transforming Our Relationships
When conflicts arise, consider how we can respond thoughtfully. Whether it is the freedom of letting go, diffusing tension with changing the subject, or changing the conversation. Whatever we do we must do it lovingly with Jesus as our example and savior, for God’s glory. Our responses say a lot about who we are and where we are in our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Today’s reading: Job 24-27; Rev 17