Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?
As I started reading 1 Samuel 5, I knew right away it would be a hard chapter to write on. As I turned to Psalm 6, it certainly fit the circumstances of my life at the moment. I thought to myself “is this my mother’s prayer right now?” Unfortunately, my mom is not in good health. She has had Parkinson’s for over 18 years and has fared extremely well thanks to an excellent physician and just being a healthy person. She has always handled her condition with grace, never complaining nor wanting to discuss it, just dealing with the cards she has been dealt. However, in the last few months, the tide has turned. She and my dad (who is 10 years older than she is) visited at Christmas. When I asked them to come, they hesitated and it took them two weeks to say yes. When they arrived, I knew why. Her health was starting to fail. She really needed assistance to walk, get dressed, administer her medicine and just monitor what was going on. I had a few moments of frustration during the visit thinking to myself “why did they come, what if she falls (which she did several times), they should not have come, this is too much”. In the end, after realizing we had to monitor her at all times due to falling, we did have a good visit and I tried my best to make it a happy holiday for all, knowing this was the last trip to Illinois.
Once back at home, she did not recover well from the trip and continued to go so far downhill including a stay in the hospital. After a few days, she was moved to rehab center and will be there for quite some time. Some days are good, some days she can’t talk to me because her mind is not right. It is difficult to hear and see this strong person becoming so feeble and lose her mind.
As I read this verse in Psalm 4, it made me think of her. Is she thinking this same thought? Is she ready to go be with her mother and grandmother, both wonderful people? Is she crying out in pain and agony? Our family has always been full of faith: when it’s your time, God will call you. We have not feared death. I see that in my dad now too. He’s letting it all play out.
After I wrote this original draft over the weekend, I did talk to her a few times this week. Luckily, she has been having better days. She is thinking more clearly and almost begging me to “get her out” of there. She obviously is not ready to go to heaven. She may be wondering ‘what is God intending in this rehab place”, but deep down, she’s not ready to go anywhere but home. I hope the Lord has mercy on her as we aren’t ready for her to go either. May God help my mom and my dad have peace and comfort this week.
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?